gratitude in a pessimistic mind

When it comes to writing – both here and in my journals, it's usually driven and inspired by the nasty stuff. The sad days, tear-stained cheeks, and an overwhelming need to do something about it. It's the pit of the stomach pain, the days that just feel extra long, and the aches that come with loneliness. 

Writing through my pain and sadness has helped me beyond belief. It's given me a way to process and reflect that I feel many lack these days. In simple words, it's allowed me a space to vent, to cry through words, and to take my anger out on a keyboard. I write letters to those that'll never hear them, sentences I have never told a soul, and talk about feelings never spoken. 

Writing isn't just a hobby of mine, in many cases it's been a lifeline. It's fundamentally is a part of who I am and helps me also understand who I want to be. 

While writing may not be for everyone, there's something the process recently taught me I feel like we can all learn a bit from. 

When looking through my journals the other day (a reflective process that usually ends up in me either crying or feeling somewhat accomplished), I really noticed how much my writing increases in the darkness. It's not unsurprising based on what's discussed above but still something that stuck with me. 

While gratitude is something I wouldn't say I'm a stranger to, it's definitely not something I've been practicing much recently. While I have awe and wonder for the world around me - the nature, scenery, my friends and family, it can sometimes be tricky to also have gratitude for my own life. 

To summarise it a whole lot easier - here's the pen and paper version from my journal... 

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'Sometimes I have to remind myself how wild this all is – to not let time create this lifestyle as a normality. Gratitude is an important thing to have, but not necessarily easy. It's easy to be swept up by the negatives, the things that need changing. But it's also good to learn how to acknowledge and fight for the negatives, without disregarding positives and especially privilege. 

I am so lucky – fortunate to be surrounded by such creative individuals who not only inspire me but who I genuinely consider my friends. I'm lucky to be given a space to learn and grow, flourish at such a young age and be given such incredible opportunities. 

And while this may not be it for me long term, I still hold so much value and appreciation for where I am, and what I'm doing' 

//

We all set bigger goals, and often in doing these withhold a belief that means the current life we are living is inferior or subpar. But the thing is, you're allowed to dream of a bigger or different life while consequently having gratitude for where you are currently. 

Tackling each day with enthusiasm, gratitude, and overall positive energy will not in any capacity harm your chances or prospects of growing or morphing into a new space. In many circumstances, it will only benefit them. 

It can be hard to look at your life and only pick out the positives. But sometimes it helps. 

It especially can be hard when you've been through a period in which the negatives seem all consuming, hitting you at every angle, one after the other. But sometimes this just means it's more important than ever to grasp onto those sun rays. Those friendly smiles, warm hearts, and tight hugs. All of it and more. 

- O