little shadow

An unspoken and unsent speech for my little sister's 21st.

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Like Peter Pan I’ve only known a life with a shadow, a life accompanied with you following close behind. The two years before you could basically be erased from my memory, for all I’ve ever really known was a life with you in it, a life as a big sister. You made it impossible to ever be lonely and in many ways, even in the moments where I really wanted to be alone, it’s those moments where I never got the silence I wanted, those moments are those I’m most grateful for. 

Somewhere along the way though, my shadow became its own person. No longer a replica of me but a real life person with a stubborn and cheeky personality. Someone who growled at the dinner table when you asked how her day was, or who despite bickering with me every time I was washing up, always surprised me with an adoration of love in the moments that really mattered. 

You were still always someone to play with, someone I could attempt to boss around and convince to go fetch me things when I didn’t want to get up, though it admittedly rarely worked. Someone to argue with, steal clothes from, and roll eyes at.

A part of me will always miss my shadow, the little thing that echoed my footsteps and looked up at me in admiration. But now I feel even more lucky, because now I have something even better – someone who can walk by my side. A best friend who I can laugh with, talk to, or most of the time, just sit in complete silence with. 

The one person who can simultaneously make me cry with both laughter and anger. Who can annoy me with a single look and understand me in seconds. A best friend I never chose but can’t live without. 

You may not be my little shadow anymore but no matter what, you’ll always be my little sister.

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OG