existence

what does it mean to exist? 

Do I need to interact or make myself known to others to be considered as existing? Does the existence of myself rely upon others acknowledging it?

With the amount of authentic social interaction limited the past few months, it's easy to begin questioning the idea of existence at all, and what it truly means to live. I don't have any answers to these questions, perhaps just more, or mindless unravelled statements in an attempt to comprehend them.

The idea that my existence relies on others is heavy, but it's undoubtedly how some people subconsciously, or perhaps consciously live. Indeed, the sheer act of sharing your life with others, whether that be through social media or perhaps a text message about your day, in many ways is driven by the need for approval. Perhaps it is just me, but I always feel somewhat conflicted in sharing certain things or moments from my day, for fear that it is 'attention-seeking', but where is the line then? In what case am I producing something to share to others for enjoyment, or re-accounting a story with what I perceive as well-intended reasons, or simply driven by the desire to be noticed? Is it not always a bit of both? By sharing about ourselves, are we always inviting that call of approval, or some sort of acknowledgment that 'yes, you do exist, you are living'.

But with that question, I then ask another, is life not all a bit self-driven? Aren't we supposed to be putting ourselves first, and is that something we should really feel bad about?

It's an abundance of questions, ones which each person has their own perception of and reality. I know for myself, I do rely on others to feel as if I am existing. I rely on some sort of communication, some sort of acknowledgement to confirm that I am breathing, I am doing and I am living. It's not something I am necessarily ashamed of, to need people to feel alive that is.

I think the issue is instead when you need people to feel validated. When you are seeking out approval rather than acknowledgement. You see, even if someone contradicted my words, or didn't believe the same truth I was sharing, to me, they are still engaging in some form, still noticing me as an individual and hence my existence- and that has worth. I will not stand on a pedestal and preach that I do not need validation and acceptance from others, because in fact, without it I would be lonely, a shrivelled human with no confidence or sense of self. It is normal to want to feel validated, it is, in my opinion, a part of being human.

We are programmed by society to want to do well, to want to succeed. And the signal of that success lies in the nodding heads of others, the pats on the back and words of praise. We have been taught these values since were were children, with the smiles from our parents signalling that our actions were right. Validation is something we are taught to want, taught to crave.

It is something I think a part of us all needs. We all need to feel like we have purpose somewhere, that we belong or that what we are doing is justifiable. And for most of us, we can't justify this simply by ourselves, but we need the words or actions of others to do so.

Yet, regardless of all this, the scientific reality is that your existence doesn't rely on others, and I think that's something worth remembering. Whilst others can acknowledge your existence, and sometimes you need that to feel validated, you could also live a life alone, with no human contact, and still exist.

No other human is going to experience the life that you are living, you have a unique sense of perception, which has been moulded differently, shaped by your own experiences and surroundings. You live your whole life with yourself, and whilst existence can be confusing, it is something that is also in your power.

- O