a single heartbeat

The sound of a single pair of feet walking, a single voice being spoken, a single life being lived and a single heart beating, existing in content happiness.

written for all the single heartbeats out there on the 14th of february. 


As a child growing up, my heart grew attached to the idea of a soul-encompassing romance. The screens I so dearly watched painted a future of dating mishaps, broken hearts and muddled feelings, all concluded with the sparkling discovery of a one true love. A happily ever after which relied so heavily on this notion of forever.

I fell so deeply in love with the idea of love. It was not the fairytale ending I craved, or the knight in shining armour rescue I desired, it was but the imperfectly perfect lifestyle and ending I wanted, the way of life I subconsciously felt was needed in order to live. "A life without love is not a life worth living," I wrote.

I've never been the sort of person who was extremely ambitious when it came to career goals. As an advocator for feminism and equality, it felt almost wrong to admit that a future of motherhood seemed appealing to me. And whilst I write in past tense, it is these feelings which I cannot deny still somewhat resonate with me today.

I went to the cinemas the other day. Perhaps a strange statement to thrust upon you in the middle of a spiel, yet more worthwhile than you would think. I spent my afternoon watching Little Women, the oscar-nominated film which I didn't particularly have any preconceived opinions about. The trailer seemed interesting and Timothy Chalamet's appearance was one of my primary excuses for venturing out to go see it.

Regardless, it is this film which I owe majority of credit to for spurring this post you read today. This film, which despite Chalamet's fulfilment of all skinny white boy dreams, has left me thinking.

The main character of the film, Jo March, in my own words can be described as an independent, untamed and passionate spirit, who possesses the strength and power to transfix any viewer. Without giving too much of the film away, or turning this into an in-depth film review, I end my Little Women cinema extravaganza story with a quote from the film, an excerpt from one of Jo’s emotional rants, which is featured partly in the trailer, (so I’m technically not spoiling anything),

"I'm so sick of people thinking that love is all a woman is fit for... but I'm so lonely". 

Love is consuming. And I don't think I can survive without it. I can't deny that it is at times all I think of, and at times can feel like the most important thing. But, it's easy to allow love to define you. It's easy to allow love to define women.

Whilst I believe that in today's generation we continue to bridge the physical gap of gender equality, it is these mental barriers which prove more tough to break down. The statement by Jo March struck a nerve within me, and it almost left me confused as to why I could relate so heavily with a character set in the 1860s. The truth is that the idea that a woman is almost defined by her capabilities for love, or her happily ever after tale is not just an idea of the past, but one continued to be rooted in our present.

We confront women with the question of their relationship status so frequently, berate them for their singularity, often subconsciously feeling woe or sorrow for them. And why is this? Why is a woman not able to consciously choose to be single, to be able to not want to be in a relationship without it being concerning, or worse, 'empowering'. Why can't it just be normal?

I dream of love. And whilst perhaps it will one day be my downfall, it is not something I am particularly ashamed to admit. But it's not all I am, all I'm destined to be or all I am defined by.  My relationship status shouldn't be the be all and end all of existence. I refuse to believe that my impact on the world and my story will end with his.

It is okay to want love, and it's also okay to not. It's okay to go through phases when you completely disregard it, or instead, embrace it. It’s okay to sometimes instead focus on falling in love with yourself and it’s more than okay to be alone on Valentines Day.  Regardless of what you decide, or whoever you are, love is not the definition of life and it surely isn't the definition of you.

- O