golden days

Usually when I write, the topics and emotions tend to sing a darker, or more depressing tune. In fact, I often find that the regularity or pace of my writing is heightened when my mental health is lower.

Perhaps I can blame this for my lack of writing recently, except I think that's what some would call a 'cop out'. 

The thing is, that in this moment right now, my life is great. Obviously, I'm working on things, on myself, on my goals and overall, just constantly trying to feel and live better. But, there are so many aspects of my life that I'm thankful for, so many moments and humans that I can't believe I have been blessed with, and so many opportunities ahead smiling back. 

It's easy to get caught up in the tiresome tirades of the world around you, drawn into the negative thoughts and attitudes, consumed with unneeded and unnecessary energy. Moments of anger, sadness and pain are normal, it's healthy to feel down sometimes, and it is truly only with those moments that you can reflect and appreciate. However, these are only moments, only snippets of your life, not the whole thing. 

It's cheesy and it's over said, and perhaps it only has it's impact to those who will accept it, but your life is truly what you make it. The way you feel, and how you live is wholeheartedly based on your decisions, and how you choose to view and react to what happens. 

Speaking as someone who I am well aware has had an enormously privileged and sheltered life, I understand, or at least can see from the perspective of those who may read my words and shake their head. Scoff at my naivety, or simply express that it just isn't that easy. 

Perhaps my words are bias, ridden with privilege and a lack of understanding of adversity. 

But perhaps I put forward the question, that what is the use of negative energy, in any shape or form? To instead invest and progress in a way that is able to benefit you, whatever form this takes, is this not more worthwhile? For example, how is complaining and critiquing going to push you forward, and assist you in achieving what you want to achieve? 

Whilst with adversities and challenges, some are greater and lesser than others, each human has their own struggles, and with so, each human has the exact same amount of potential to make their life greater, even if in only small amounts. 

It's a process and a journey. I think I just want to reiterate that. I'm not claiming that I know all, that my life is the absolute perfection, or that I strictly think positively. But, I have seen myself grow and change so much over this past year, not only in physical life changes and moments, but more so in the way I think and am able to understand myself. 

It's so fulfilling to be able to understand your own feelings, especially when looking back, you notice that you really didn't before. To have negative thoughts or wake up one morning and simply just be aware that you are just having a rough, or low day/moment. To be able to slowly have a better understanding of how you are feeling. 

I'm not sure how I came here or how specifically it happened, but I know that I've never been so in-tune with myself before. I didn't write in a gratitude journal everyday, or do morning meditation. I think what it came down to was just making a conscious effort to think about my thinking. There is proven research that if you continuously tell yourself to think a certain way and correct how you are responding to situations, eventually there will be an impact. And it shouldn't be for anyone but yourself. The way you respond and react shouldn't be a means in order to seem like or just 'be a good person' in order to impress others, because I know for myself I often struggled with this idea. No, it's about making your head, your mind, the place you literally live in, a clean environment. 

There's so many questions that I have for the world. So much I have to do in my one single life. In some ways, it's overwhelming and at times, bone-shatteringly terrifying. But it's also wildly amazing, this unique potential and possibility we have all been given. In moments like this when I allow myself to pause and look around, it is when I can really understand the insignificance of negativity. 

The people that I am able to constantly surround myself with give me so much power and strength. The ability to know that I can fall back on any single person in my life and they will have my back with so much love and support is something that I know is rare in today's world and for many people my age. To be able to be around people who I can have fun and laugh with, as well as talk to about anything and everything is an aspect of my life that I hope I will able to always have.

To have such an incredible family, that despite some weeks I have a lack of communication or interaction with, is still so incredibly caring and consumed with love. To be thought of and cared for so well, a part of my life that I too often take for granted. 

To be constantly working and learning, a part of my life that often exhausts and drains me. Yet, looking at it, I have never been more grateful, passionate about the drive and always having things to do and work on. My schedule is never-ending, to do list always forever long and plans always being made, but I wouldn't want it to change. 

To feel myself becoming more in love with who I am every day. To wake up and feel more confident and more accepted in my own skin. To notice myself asserting my self worth, standing taller and being more comfortable with expressing and sharing with others. 

I know that life is going to continue to go up and down. That perhaps this is just simply another high moment in which I will later descend from. But, it's important appreciate and embrace the light, as well as the darkness. Please, for yourself, live your life the way that you want to live it. Consume and surround yourself with positivity and passion, good and wholesome people, and positive vibes.  

- O