insecurities

insecurity.

I've had this word written down in my phone notes now for just about the bigger part of a month. It was a word which I for some reason felt the need to put away one day on the train, a word I wanted to write about.

When we talk about insecurities, I find the easy way to seperate them is into physical and mental.

Physical insecurities are probably more discussed and talked about. Indeed, we have body image, which although is culturally considered more a female issue, is experienced by everyone globally.

Body image, to word lightly, is this huge thing, and for most people, their biggest insecurities surround looks. The reality is disheartening - the fact that someone's biggest downfall can be the way they see themselves.

I wrote this note in my journal in 2016 that said "we critic every inch of our appearance, our own body and instrument. The one thing we can control, our minds overrule, destroying the way we see ourselves...". Nothing much has changed in the past 3 years.

Body image, no matter what shape or size you are, is what I perceive to be this grey part in our minds, one that you can never quite conquer. It's sadly a part of life that can only be adjusted or conditioned to, rather than overcome. Indeed, whilst there will always be a looming sense of self-doubt and criticism, it's just about finding a healthy balance which allows you to not let that grey part affect you negatively.

Although the dark physical insecurities are one which each and every person suffers with, I wanted to really discuss the more mental, personality based insecurities today, which in some cases can be more controlling, powerful and harder to understand.

The statements or inner thoughts of "I'm not good enough", "I'm too boring", "I don't want to be a burden", "Nobody wants me here" etc. are prime examples of some of the ways our mental insecurities can be seen. We have conditioned ourselves to think that a negative perspective or self-visualisation is normal or appropriate. When in reality, the last thing we should be seeing as normal is self-deprecation and ultimately self-destruction.

It's so much easier for people to inflict hate upon themselves rather than love. It is easier to list parts of ourselves we would change, rather than things we adore. It's easy for us to critic and pull apart ourselves and the person in the mirror. It's easy to inflict pain through negative thoughts and words upon ourselves, rather than towards another person.

Why?

When you hear someone you care about talk ill of themselves, you immediately jump to their defence, arguing otherwise. It's almost upsetting to hear someone who you may look up to, or admire, feel so negatively about who they are, your best friend for example.

When we put in context the thoughts and way we feel about ourselves, in the body and mind of someone else, it's easier to see the toxicity and sometimes irrationality of our thoughts.

A lot of the time it is the inner battles that are the hardest to fight and combat, the ones that outsiders do not see. However, when we remind ourselves that others are also facing these battles, sometimes ours can seem easier to tackle.

In an effort to work on myself I've been slowly reading a book called 'As You Are' which in one of the chapters discusses a notion called common humanity. To summarise, common humanity is "a sense that we have a shared experience with others". As the author Ruth Williams put it, "we all struggle, suffer and feel joy. Whatever you are feeling, others in this world will be sharing that same experience at the same time".

This notion of common humanity is something which I found to be helpful when dealing with my own insecurities, mental and physical. It is a concept that whilst isn't new or perhaps considered innovative, is something that can be easily forgotten. Insecurities are inevitable but it becomes easier to deal and tackle them when we remind ourselves that others face these struggles as well.

Whilst discussing the topic of insecurities, I also wanted to touch upon the idea of self love for when dealing with insecurities this tends to be one of the obvious solutions. Although I could probably dedicate a whole other entry to those few words, I figured we would continue the opinionated rambles further.

The concept of self love vs. vain is one that I find interesting. It's the idea of when dealing with self love, where do you draw the line between loving one self and being vain? It's a concept which I was introduced to randomly when coming across a video by Adelaine Morin in which she discussed how she demonstrates and actions self love.

Self love is a process which I perceive as an ongoing journey. There is no finish line, or similar route, rather each person has there own unique twisted roads. It's something difficult to master and execute, but when actioned can dramatically improve the way in which you function.

I think one of the biggest things prohibiting people from working on themselves, specifically in regards to their mental state or perception of themselves, is the idea that it is vain. Society values and holds in esteem individuals who put others needs before their own or who work to improve life for others. Although, it is just to have that belief and acknowledge these lifestyles and attitudes, this perspective juxtaposes the action of focusing on yourself, and thus results in the perception of people practicing self love as selfish.

In reality, it is truly difficult to help others, live truthfully and passionately, when you cannot admire or compliment the person in the mirror. The actions of exhibiting self love and being vain are different to each other, and it's beneficial to remind yourself of this. The action of being vain can be connoted with words such as egotistical, narcissistic and conceited. Compared to self love, being vain involves a high opinion of one's self, or as I interpret it, viewing yourself as higher to others. In contrast, self love is about being content and admirable of the individual you are, viewing yourself as not better or higher than others, but equal and worthy.

Working on mental health, and walking the journey of self love is often viewed as an action done in vain, as if prioritising yourself is selfish and means you are neglecting others. However, when you truly look at it, like explained above, the two words have different meanings, and unfortunately are often just joined together sub-consicously, due to our culture normalising the idea that self-love is selfish.

I'm not really sure how to end these thought rambles, for giving advice seems out of reach, me being all sorts of unqualified on how to overcome insecurities and love yourself. However, like life, it's all a journey, which never really has a definite end, and sometimes remembering that can help. Each day, good or bad, will end, and tomorrow will come. Life will continue to continue and you will to,  living, surviving and thriving.


- O