too this, too that

Have you ever told yourself that after this one day, everything would change, that after you reached a milestone, things would be different?

For example, when you graduate, you will suddenly be able to do so much more, or when you turn 18 things will start happening for you.

Maybe it's just me, but its weird how the brain works in that way, always making you look ahead, dream about the future, convincing yourself that it will improve once something happens. 

I'm not denying that certain events or days don't change us, because of course turning 18 opens new doors etc. However, it's rare that reality ever exceeds the imagination. 

I've begun to notice that a lot of us use the word 'too'. I'm too young, too old, too scared, too dumb, too worried, too inexperienced, too everything. We are either this or that, never landing in the perfect middle. 

I've always felt conflicted about age. Being born at the end of the year was something that never really bothered me until certain birthdays suddenly meant something. Being 16 meant driving, 17 meant P's and 18 meant drinking. Age, whilst a part of myself that I couldn't change, left me feeling constantly one step behind everyone, always playing catch up. 

On some days, I just wanted to be older, to be able to do more. On others, I would want to be younger, be able to go back to an age where everything seemed easier. 

We all constantly wish for this or that, two ends of the spectrum, polar opposites. 

"to be or not to be, that is the question"

Whilst Shakespeare's Hamlet revolved around much more darker themes, for some reason when writing this post, this quote came to mind. 

In a way, I guess it fits in to it all perfectly. We all see our questions as only being answered with two options- yes or no, young or old, to be or not to be. Our desires are either this or that, our lives devoted to reaching either or.

By focusing on the word 'too', this or that or the to be and not to be's of life, we enter a world of tunnel vision in which the present is non-existent as our lives are lived in anticipation of what is to come.

Why instead of spending our time hating who we are, or parts of ourselves we can't change, don't we all just live? Indeed, to live fully we must at some point accept things that can't be changed and move on.

To wrap up quickly, for us today, the question of to be or not to be has no answer, for there shouldn't be a question at all.

OG