girls vs girls

I always told myself I didn’t want to write about things that had been overdone, issues that had been talked or written about so much, there was almost nothing original about any opinions on the topic. 

However, the other day when walking to the train station I saw the following sentence graffitied on a nearby wall, “maddi is a slut. chelsea.” 

Whether it was the location or the use of such language, the hateful message did more than just briefly shock me. The words kept playing over in my head and then the cycle furthered as I even started thinking about why I was thinking so much about it.

First of all, let's start by making it very clear that I'm well aware that this world is far from perfect. There are so many flaws and things to change that it can be quite overwhelming and disheartening at times. However, I believe that the imperfections around us give us something to work for and should be viewed as opportunities for to make a difference.

Over a month ago the world celebrated International Women's Day. We all joined together to recognise the amazing women in our lives and the power and strength they hold. Furthermore, earlier this year, all over America, rallies and marches were held to promote women's rights and overall equality. It's empowering to think of all the work, dedication and persistence past and present women, and even men, put into making the world what it is today. It's empowering for me when I think of everything that they have achieved and how much closer they make the world to perfection. 

I would be the first to say that I've always been quite sheltered from the rougher parts of the world. I'm someone who knows right from wrong but I wouldn't say I've experienced wrong for myself. In relation to women, the broad topic for this post, I was brought up in a house filled with girls, and therefore, taught to view myself as highly capable.  I've always approached everything with the perspective that my gender makes me no different to anyone else and in fact, in many cases I wouldn't even consider it something to impact me or my life.

However, on that day, as I thought about those words grafted onto the wall, I guess you could say reality hit me. 

I remember in primary school when I came home upset one day from school because a boy in my class had been teasing me, stealing my hat and making snarky comments. I, your stereotypical good child, re-accounted my lunch-time traumas to my parents at dinner to be confronted with two very different responses. My Dad piped in, saying that the boy must like me, for that's what boys do when they have a crush. Whereas my Mum, said that there was no excuse for that behaviour and it was completely and utterly wrong. Before you jump the horse, I just want to say that I don't hold a grudge against my Dad for what he said, I think he was just trying to lighten the thought of me being mildly bullied and jumped onto an attitude he was brought up with. In reality, I don't think my Dad would ever condone men being abusive or disrespectful towards women, he just didn't really understand the situation and jumped to a conclusion which has been rooted into society. 

This attitude, that men tease women they like, is one which has morphed into something so problematic and dangerous in our world today. By responding to young girls by saying "he must like you", teaches them to accept and condone disrespectful behaviour from men in the future. Not to mention, by teaching young boys these habits, using sayings such as "treat em mean, keep em keen", you are almost coaching them on how to mis-treat women. 

However, whilst the graffitied words made me realise some of the inequities I had experienced in my own life, it also made me more aware of those which I was maybe yet to experience. 

I think what caught me off guard about those words was the fact that it ended with the name "chelsea". It's as if in today's world we perceive the main threat to the proper treatment of women to be men. I mean it's a straightforward assumption, why would another woman jeopardise the treatment of their own gender, something history has worked so hard to improve?

Whilst men have and continue to play their role in the equation, the graffitied words made be realise that there's still changes that need to be made within the female community. As girls, we are almost infamous for the notions of 'gossip' and 'bitchiness', and it's disheartening that at times these notions can overpower words such as strong, independent and kind. It's disheartening because we continue to put so much work into improving our treatment, yet then dismantle our efforts from the inside. 

I can't imagine being so attacked by someone I know, a fellow female who I would hope understands the struggles we face alone dealing with that language from men. Indeed, it's almost bizarre to me how, even in the most pressing circumstances, females can stoop that low. 

I won't preach that I am perfect, for I think you all know I am far from it, and let's be honest, we can all admit to gossiping and perhaps speaking ill about others. However, after that day, reading those words, I decided to take a stronger initiative to bring up girls around me. It's important that we stick together, for we are stronger that way, and let's be real, we have bigger battles to fight. 

OG