love

Love is such a huge concept to grasp and as a fifteen year old I have no real knowledge on the topic, if any. Love is something different to everyone, something we learn about through experience and our surroundings.

To most people, love is a crucial aspect of your life and I fully agree. Indeed, love is emphasised and encouraged constantly through movies, advertisements and pretty much, everyday life. Yet, the love which isn't given as much spotlight, the only love I briefly understand, revolves around family and friends, not 'soulmates' or attraction. So much stress on this type of 'love' can be a good thing, but for an inexperienced confused teenager, like myself, it can also be the detriment of life as we know it.

I'm going to be brutally honest with you, I'm terrified of love. Whether it's due to the rom-coms, television shows, or even music, I am down to the bone, petrified of heart break. Strangely, I have no understanding or even the faintest idea of what any of it feels like, but like most, I find ambiguity such a scary notion. The lack of knowledge on the issue only fuels my fear and I am even scared of finding love and being too scared to even acknowledge it. Will such heart-break impact my life, and for better or worse? Questions, questions, questions, all linked to unknown answers which can only be found through experience.

Yet, although love is a concept which leaves me with the shakes and shivers, a part of me jumps and desires such emotion. I am intrigued to find the answers, to understand this idea which so many talk and revolve their lives around. I am excited to live my life having experienced or experiencing this type of love. Indeed, so much fuss cannot be over nothing?

However, as always, my doubt occurs again and there is always apart of myself questioning and holding back. Indeed, the word 'soulmate' is one notion that is forever appearing in my thoughts. A strange concept in a single word given so much meaning by society. The belief that everyone has a perfect mate is a difficult concept to personally grasp. The idea that there is one person, just for you is intriguing and heart-warming, however by accepting this thought, you accept the unknown, doubt and fear. Yet again, the cycle reoccurs with even more questions: What if I never find my soulmate? What if I fall in love but they aren't my soulmate? How exactly will I know?

On a whole, I am completely unexperienced and confused on this topic, but it is crystal clear that love gives and takes (even when you don't understand the concept). Love fumes emotions of desire and happiness, as well as fear, doubt and terror. You can live on the clouds, full of joy and support but just as quickly be thrown to the ground, left to pick up the pieces.

In days, months and years I hope to get wiser on the topic of 'love', growing my knowledge on such an idea that controls our world. However, for now I will exit the door, leaving you with my scrambled thoughts, just to confuse us all a little more.

OG x